Self-introduction email
Subject: Self-introduction email
Dear Professor Brad,
I want to take this opportunity to introduce myself, hoping you will get to know me better. My name is Jia Hui, a year one engineering student at Singapore Institute of Technology(SIT) attending critical thinking and communication module in your class.
Here is a summary of my educational background and interest in engineering.
I graduated from Republic Polytechnic with an Engineering Design with Business(DEDB) diploma in 2019. I took a two-year gap from school and started working full-time as a mechanical design engineer at the company I had interned for during my Polytechnic days, which evoked my interest and passion for further pursuing my studies to develop and gain more knowledge of theoretical engineering principles and designing skills, which will allow me to become a better designer.
As for my communication strength, I am confident communicating in small groups and ensuring I have conveyed my point. While working at my previous company, I presented and explained the guidelines to new designers, ensuring they understood the outline structure so that everyone had the same or similar designing method. However, when doing presentations or speaking in front of large groups, I often stutter and blank out on what I have to convey, which makes me panic even more as I am unsure of how to salvage the whole situation.
My goals for this module are to confidently articulate my ideas and information to larger audiences and further develop my communication skills when conveying technical concepts to various audiences.
What sets me apart from others is that I have a genuine passion and commitment to innovative design in engineering, and I aim to carry this perspective into this module. I look forward to learning more from you and participating in the class. Thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely,
Low Jia Hui
First paragraph first line.
ReplyDelete"hoping you will get to know me better" i would suggest "I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself in the hope that you will get to know me better."
for a better flow as the comma after myself seems a little out of place.
The sentence "Here is a summary of my educational background and interest in engineering." do allow readers to know what you're planning to talk about afterwards but in my opinion, it could be added into the paragraph itself. As we generally group the same "idea" or "topic" that we are talking about into a paragraph.
Third paragraph.
I would use "I graduated in 2019 with a diploma in Engineering Design with Business
from Republic Polytechnic."
"company I interned in, during Polytechnic"
"interest and passion to further pursue" the use of "for further pursuing" does not flow well.
i'll leave some for others :D.
But for content, it is very well written as i can clearly understand what your interest, weakness, strength, goals and personal branding are.
Hi Jiahui i enjoyed reading your letter and i loved the part where u described the details of your internship. I could really relate to the part where you mentioned that sometimes you would blank out infront of big groups during a presentation as i had the same issue.
ReplyDeleteSome suggestions i would like to make is that the secondary subject "Subject: Self-introduction email" at the top of your email is not necessary since it has already been mentioned as the main header of the email.
Also, in the sentence "As for my communication strength, I am confident communicating in small groups and ensuring I have conveyed my point."
I would suggest that you add in an "in" after the confident or change the structure abit to "I have confidence communicating in small groups..." as it sound abit off.
Overall i feel that you clearly described your content and i feel that it is very immersive.
Hello Jia Hui ,
ReplyDeleteWhen introducing something like a summary , I would suggest that you use a Colon " : " as it helps signify readers and I know what precedes next after the colon.
Nonetheless , it was a good write-up and a chance to know you better. I am sure that taking this module would help improve your communication and presentation skills.
Wishing you all the best!
Regards
Zhi Xiang
Hello Jia Hui,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your self-introduction email. Overall, it's well-crafted, and you've done an excellent job conveying your background and aspirations.
Here are a few suggestions for improvement:
1)You might want to be more engaging in the opening " I hope this letter finds you well"
2)This sentence " I took a two-year gap from school and started working full-time as a mechanical design engineer at the company I had interned for during my Polytechnic days" I suggest it to be written out like this "I took a two-year hiatus from academic pursuits to work full-time as a mechanical design engineer at the company where I had previously interned during my Polytechnic days.", It keeps the same original meaning with a smoother and clearer understanding
3) Clarity in School Experience (Content lacking): When mentioning your graduation from Republic Polytechnic, consider adding a bit more detail. Share key learnings from your Engineering Design with Business (DEDB) diploma, and if applicable, highlight any notable projects or experiences that fueled your passion for pursuing further studies in Mechanical Design Engineering.
Remember, these suggestions are meant to enhance an already well-written email. Feel free to adjust based on your personal style and preferences
Regards
Arki
Dear JiaHui,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this articulate, well developed and informative letter. You have shared on each of the key components of the brief and provided clear details. I like how you have described the interest and passion you feel for design in engineering. You also elaborate well on your job experience and, in that context, your communication strengths and weaknesses. I'm now honoured to be privy to your further development, a matter I don't take lightly.
Your classmates' affirmative feedback supports the positive sense I have for this post. I look forward to learning more about you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad